Adding LIFE to your years and years to your life!
Having a rough few days... Not directly with food, but relationships with people; specifically my boyfriend of 8 years going on 9 this July.
I wrote about him in my previous post back in Dec 2011. That was a really rough time. 2012 I worked hard at trying medications, I saw a social worker, and in 2013 I worked really hard on my own personal growth using Penni's discussions and encouragement during the February reset and April wellness initiatives.
I felt like I had made progress. Real progress. But I must not have been paying attention to what was going on around me... I got really busy with work, and so did he. Right now he's experiencing a lot of work stress, but at the same time, his attitude towards me has changed. Like he's given up on me. And it's hard for me to fault him for that since I can see from my older blogs that this has been going on for a ridiculously long time. Years.
In March 2013 he told me that he "should have left [me] ages ago". He didn't say it with anger, it was pretty matter of fact which is even worse. It's been difficult for me to forget and move past. Now it's May and he's very cold towards me the last few days. I've communicated that I can sense something is different, and normally we would talk about it, but he shuts it down and acts like everything is fine. I'm assuming that his work stress is overloading him and dealing with that giant mess and the other giant mess (me) is not something he can handle right now. He usually doesn't get stressed out, so I'm worried that since he is stressed, he's upset that he can't turn to me to help; that I just make things worse.
Perhaps not the best thing to do since it goes against Penni's advice in the Go Fresh material - but I've been googling things like 'how to know when you're going to get dumped' and 'how to save a 10 year relationship'. I'm focusing on the negative which is not good. Why would he want to be with me if I come home from work looking stressed and wrecked. I've sent him a few text messages asking if I could bring him some dinner tonight, or mentioning some interesting science news to converse.. but I get no's or one word responses. I'm having a hard time figuring out if it's work stress or stress from me, or a combo of both. Pretty sure it's the last one.
All I can do is back off and try to be warm and kind and not afraid and sulky. That's how I acted last night and it was an awful evening. He's never acted this way with me before.. all these years. He's always been there and now he's not. I mean he's physically there, but not there.
^ I wrote the above about an hour ago. I've since gone shopping and bought him a treat and sent him a text message telling him how beautiful it is outside and that we should go for a walk when I get home if he'd like to. (No response yet.)
I am going to reread the Go Fresh material on the way home, and make the choice to arrive at our house in a GREAT MOOD (fake it 'til you make it) and go from there. My goal, I've decided, is to make him forget about his work stress and forget about the stress I usually put upon him, and just try my best to shine as bright as possible. I've spent the entire day (and all yesterday pretty much) being in a dark, worried mood and that didn't make things better. I must try a new approach. A POSITIVE approach. I just need to catch myself and make sure I don't go overboard. That's what I tend to do (go extreme one way and then the other way). I must try to be balanced.
Wish me luck! :)