Real Food Rehab

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Today, I weigh 255 lbs.

How did I let this happen... AGAIN!!!

Raw, not raw... consistency with healthy eating, then undoing all of my previous progress and gaining everything, plus a little extra, back on to my poor 5'2"frame.  You'd think that the constant pain I have from severe fibromyalgia would be enough to make me realize that I have to make some significant changes in my lifestyle, not even counting my future risk of Type 2 diabetes, cancer, and heart disease if I don't make changes NOW.

Why is it so hard to stick to this, and so easy to eat the garbage foods that have comforted me for so long?

Okay... pity party over. 

I had already made the decision to get back on track with the announcement of Cleanse America 3, and I signed up but did not start with the rest of the group because of having my 21st wedding anniversary and my birthday both in this past week... and we all know how horrible (insert sarcasm here) it would have been for me not to eat my favorite foods for these two celebrations... I mean, that would have meant some cruel form of deprivation to actually eat healthy food instead of rich, cooked foods, right?

Yeah.

So, here I am... back again, and working to shift my mindset so that I stick to it this time.  Letting go of feelings of failure from all the weight I lost last year during the Go Fresh initiative here on RFR.  Dwelling on that is not going to move me forward and holding on to the negative emotions will be like an anchor holding me down into unhealthy patterns of eating and thinking.

Today is Day 1.  Today, I leave the baggage behind and start anew, with hope and commitment. 

I am not setting any particular rules for myself this time.  When I did Cleanse America 1, I did a ten-day juice feast, and the detox was really intense, so I don't think I'm ready for that right now.  I am just going to try to intuitively listen to what my body wants, and try to go that route, as long as it's low-fat, mostly-raw vegan.  I'm aiming for 100% raw, but I'm not going to be legalistic about it and not allow myself to have fresh, healthy, gently cooked vegan foods, when that makes sense for me.

A pleasant surprise is that my 17 year old son told me yesterday that meat just wasn't tasting good to him anymore, so he now wants to eat more vegetarian, along with some fish.  I'm really happy and pleased that he came to this conclusion on his own, so although he won't be primarily raw, like me, I am encouraged that this is the beginning of healthy lifestyle change for him too.

I would really appreciate some support on this journey.  I've been away from RFR for a while now, mostly because of shame for how I "fell off the path."  I'm happy to be back amongst kindred spirits.

I had hoped to taper off caffeine before beginning today, but of course, I didn't, so I'm going "cold-turkey" today.  I started my morning with a large glass of filtered water with lemon juice and a couple of cups of detox Calli green tea, so I'm hoping that helps me to not get a migraine as I have a quiz in my French class tonight.  :)

Day 1 - 1 October 2012

Weight:  255 lbs.

Height:  5'2"

Bust:  48.5

Waist:  45.5

Hips:  60

Pants Size:  26

Thanks in advance for any support you can give me; I am glad to be back.  :)

__________

Day 1 Food/Liquid Intake:

Upon rising:  16 oz. filtered water with lemon

Morning:  16 oz. Calli tea

Late morning:  36 oz. green smoothie with red kale, orange, bananas, bee pollen, Vitamineral Green, and coconut butter; all fibromyalgia supplements

Lunch:  not hungry, but drank water; headache from caffeine detox

Mid-afternoon:  1/2 Honeycrisp apple

Late-afternoon:  large salad of red kale, mixed sea vegetables, and tomatoes with lemon juice and a little olive oil

Evening:  small handful of raw almonds

Exercise:  walking to/from class; not very much, but it's more than I've been doing

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Comment by Debbie on October 5, 2012 at 10:14am

Don't beat yourself up for falling off the horse. The important thing is you're back, and on your journey to ultimate health again. That's all that matters - that you keep on keeping on!

I'm right there with you. So many things were happening in my life over the past two years that I to fell off the wagon - so to speak. I gained back much of my weight that I lost over the past few years, and was feeling sick and tired again. I had lost my mother-in-law to cancer, my house, my son was graduating high school and on his way to college, my husband and I had to move - just so many things - too much at once. But now things are pleasantly flowing back in order, as well as my focus. I too went on a cleanse at the end of August, and have been on a mission of high raw health since. I'm already feeling much better, and have lost 12 pounds. My mood is better, my skin looks better, and I don't feel so bad.


I'm going to start another cleanse on Monday, and go for 10 days. I like the reboot action, it always perks me up! Lol...


Well keep up the great work, and keep positive. You do have a lot going for you! So many things to keep you motivated, plus a great community here at the Rehab. I know you can do this, and be successful. We can be successful with our health together! I plan to check back more regularly.


Here's to our health, and this magical journey! Peace! =)

Comment by Roman G. on October 3, 2012 at 12:05pm

Detox is natures way of saying "get all these toxins outta here"! :)

I really hate detoxing also, but it's a part of the overall process so I try and embrace it. I usually sleep a lot when initially detoxing. Never detox when you have anything important to do. (This advice is too late but...) I would try to caffeine detox a few weeks before raw food or juice detoxing. (BTW I'm leaning towards doing the Raw first and then caffeine after. But that's not the norm I know, it just makes sense for some.)  Keep up the hard work! It's going to totally pay off bigtime!

Keep it Raw...

Comment by Silmiriel on October 3, 2012 at 11:26am

Sorry for the delay in responding... detox hit me like a ton o' bricks yesterday and I got a massive migraine... couldn't do much of anything except lie on the couch, but hopefully, the worst of the caffeine detox is over except for a bit of a lingering headache and nausea today that I hope will pass soon.

Thanks so much everyone... your support and loving comments mean a lot to me!  I've got tears in my eyes right now, because of being touched so deeply by the sincere good wishes from everyone.  I've put myself on the "back burner" for so long now, having to take care of two kids with autism, especially throwing most of myself into the care of my youngest who is severely autistic.  I completely let myself go, and have neglected taking care of myself. 

I have struggled with weight all of my life, but I have been thin before and I remember how that felt.  I want that back, and I want to be able to look at myself and not feel ashamed or disgusted.  I know that this love starts with self-acceptance.  I'm not the person in the mirror... I'm the person inside that needs to break out again.

I know that I can do this.  I've done it before and have been successful; just frustrated with myself that I undid all of the positive results from Go Fresh 2011 when I dropped a bunch of weight and felt fantastic. 

Thanks again, my friends... much love to you all!  :)

~ Mary

Comment by Crystal Hartman on October 3, 2012 at 7:08am

I share your struggles as many others here do, and add my encouragement to theirs. You CAN do this. It is so hard sometimes to stick with it but you never fail if you don't truly give up. You may make lots of mistakes on the way but they are learning experiences and if we look deeply, we can take from that experience a new understanding that can help us avoid making the mistake again. I tell myself this over and over. It is hard to maintain a gentle encouraging dialogue with one's self, but I find when times are hard (I struggle with sugar addiction) this type of self coaching really helps. I also try to visualize the "me" I want to be at the finish line. I try to remember the good feeling of overcoming and sticking with healthy choices. Distraction through some activity helps a lot also. Be well!

Comment by Tami B on October 2, 2012 at 9:12pm

You will do great. You must be kind to yourself. If you start feeling bad about something you ate,  go take a bath, put on a mask and pamper yourself. You still deserve your own love. The end result will be amazing but the journey is wonderful too.

Comment by Rachel S on October 2, 2012 at 4:47pm

Sometimes it seems like being kind to ourselves is the hardest thing in the world. I'm getting a fresh start myself. You can totally do this, we both can! :)  Sending out some prayers and positive energy for you.

Comment by Annmary Zweir on October 2, 2012 at 9:12am
Hi Siilmiriel, I am back recently, too. I also was following a healthy raw diet and fell off bad. I gained all my weight & some, too. I am trying not to be too crazy about my plan, if I have something not on the plan doesn't mean I need to throw the whole thing out. One day at a time is a good way to think for me. Positive energy & attitude! Good luck, glad you are back!
Comment by Silmiriel on October 2, 2012 at 12:08am

Thanks so much for the support, everyone... I appreciate it a lot!

Penni, what you said in particular really hit me... about reconnecting with my real self.  I have felt very disconnected and lost, especially in light of raising two special needs kids, and am trying to learn to love myself for who I am, despite being very disappointed in allowing myself to become obese. 

I so appreciate a safe place to express my thoughts and feelings without judgement.  I know that a lot of people who don't take the time to get to know me judge me immediately on my looks, and that is always very hurtful.

Thanks so much for creating this haven... I can't tell you how much it means to me to have Raw Food Rehab as such a supportive environment to grow and learn about living foods!  :)

Comment by Rena on October 1, 2012 at 3:48pm

"I am just going to try to intuitively listen to what my body wants, and try to go that route, as long as it's low-fat, mostly-raw vegan."  - I think you will do great if you stick to your plan.  Mostly Raw is a good plan of action.  Good luck to you!

Comment by Roman G. on October 1, 2012 at 2:49pm

One day at a time one step at a time. It only looks like a long way from where you are now, but you'll get there!

I'm on day 35 of an original 30 day juice feast and at certain points I never thought I'd get to day 15! YOU CAN DO IT! :) We're all rooting for ya!

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