All of you who were so great to comment on my smoking whine were right. I needed both to be kind to myself and to kick my own butt. I really appreciate it. Sometimes what we need most is to just have other people tell us what we're too afraid to tell ourselves.
I went through all the reasons why I might be doing this, but it all came down to -- none of it mattering except I had to stop. And I'll level with you: I spend way too much on eye cream to succumb to smoking-wrinkles. I know I'm making light of a potentially deadly little habit (the cigarettes, not the eye cream), but sometimes vanity is what gets you through. I'll be vain if it helps.
So, cigarettes are in the trash. The one down the street on the corner (lest temptation get the better of me).
I smoked for 15 years, and quitting was a big deal. I don't want to start that all over again. So I'll chalk these 7 days up to a silly mistake and move on. I suspect it won't be easy, but since it's coinciding with my master cleanse, I'll chalk it all up to detox.
Speaking of the Master Cleanse, today is the end of day 3, and I feel great. Well, no, I feel lousy, but predictably so. Obviously right now I'm needing a psychological reset, and this I think will do the trick. In my last (quickly aborted) attempt I used good old maple syrup, but it turns out I Really Like Maple. A little too much. So I'm going with flavorless agave as a sub. S'okay. Not as tasty, but that was the point. Nowhere did Burroughs suggest that you mainline maple syrup for 10 days.
Man...now I'm thinking about maple candy. Stupid cleanse.
Thanks again, all. 'night.