Seeing Purple

[Suzanne McClendon]

There is a lot on my mind as I type this. So much so that I don't even know where to let a thought settle.

I did not get the good news that I was hoping for on Monday. I have to wait even longer for the surgery. In the meantime, my body is still freaking out. There have been some big improvements...the hurling has stopped. The headaches are still here, but I'm glad to be done with the hurling. But something even more worrisome came along just as the hurling left me...

I've started bruising...I don't know what to think about that. With 2 cousins having died with leukemia and two more dealing with cancer issues, these bruises make me think of things that I don't want to think about. Do any of you know if iron supplementation will cause bruising? Everytime I look, there is another one.

The placement of the bruises is going to cause the doctor to have questions about if I've been victimized again. Thankfully, I haven't been, but just the thought of being asked those questions, and the thought that maybe the doctor won't believe me and will think that I'm covering some form of abuse up...that just unnerves me.

Another thing that I wonder about...my severe anemia was caused by excess bleeding because of the tumors. Someone told me that iron is a blood thinner. So, how is the fact that I'm bleeding even worse now than I was before going to help rid me of my anemia? Why is it that the supposed "cure" just makes matters worse? I have been so googly-headed today that I can't stand up straight. :(

There have been some complications with going totally raw, not physically/mentally...but "kitchenally". :) Everything in my kitchen has decided to fall apart at one time. With having to cut out dairy, and the allergies that are getting worse as time passes, finding something that I can eat and can accommodate in this kitchen is quite a challenge. Oh well...one thing at a time.

One recipe that I want to try soon is a version of a taco, only meatless using a meat substitute (maybe). It uses collard greens as the taco shell and guacomole, some sort of sprouts, assorted leafy greens, and tomatoes. If I don't use the meat substitute, then it could be totally raw. I've never had uncooked collard greens before, so this will be an interesting experience. :)

Another raw challenge for me is finding an acceptable dairy substitute. I did ok with this at first, the more time that passes, the more I am totally craving cheese. This is fueled by the fact that my husband and children are cheese heads, so it is around me being a constant reminder...and depressing because it is not safe for me to eat it. Most all of the recipes that I have found for a raw, dairy-free cheese involve the use of nuts of some sort, generally cashews. My allergic reaction to cashews was such that I am afraid to risk any nuts with perhaps the exception of pecans. Most seeds I have never tried so I do not know how my body would react to them. I was able to tolerate sunflower seeds and then all of a sudden they started making me sick (queasy).

I just feel like I am running out of options. Everywhere I turn, something in the food department is being taken away from me because being able to breathe trumps being able to eat. But sometimes I think that there isn't much point in breathing if I can't eat without worry of an allergic reaction.

Sorry for the downer blog. I know that we are supposed to be upbeat and positive. I am ecstatically happy abou the weight loss that is occuring and excited about a raw food adventure/lifestyle change. I am happy at the thought of being healthy again some day.

I just wish that lasagna loaded with mozzarella could be a part of that happiness or that I could find a suitable substitute for alfredo sauce and one for ranch dressing. I've given up sweets freely, with no regrets. They don't appeal to me. I don't give sweets a second thought. I gave up dairy out of necessity...and cheese is always on my mind.

I am POSITIVE that I will work through this. I WILL find something that will work for me and not send me into anaphylaxis again. I WILL continue to have the faith that Heavenly Father is in my corner and He is not going to let me starve to death.

Have a great night, everybody!

Your sis in Christ,

Suz

[Vegan♥for♥Life]

Wishing you health and sending energies your way. Drink your green smoothies!!!

[Dawn Plant]

Suzanne, my heart goes out to you. Know that you are not alone--we are all here with you and send love. Several years ago there was a period of time for about 2-3 years when I was reacting to almost all foods, it seemed. Dairy was a huge problem for my breathing, so much so that my heart would pound hard and skip beats because of the severe congestion, so I'm glad that you've already discovered this. Grains were also extremely mucous forming, so I eventually realized that I had to give them up also. These days, those foods have just sort of left my consciousness and eating raw is such a relief to my whole body! I am so happy that you have not given up --- You WILL get through this! I hope that your reactions will diminish as mine did. Thank you for having the courage to share your difficulties, and for realizing that things will get better.
I hope your raw tacos turn out wonderful!

All the best to you,
Dawn