Adding LIFE to your years and years to your life!
First of all, thank you everyone who commented on my last entry...you definitely made me smile and contributed to what became a much better day, and I think I will go back and look at those comments if I ever get in a funk again. Thankyou so much... <3
Edit: A little confession that I need some advice on...
I had to lie to my mother for my dad yesterday. It was AWFUL. You see, he installed new appliances (stove and dishwasher), which we needed desperately as we are selling the house and both were broken and unfixable. Well...he told me to not tell my mom about this because she might not help him pay for these and he wants her to because he's selling the house and she gets half the proceeds, so it's inferred that she should help pay for what needs to be fixed and he's worried that she won't if she knows that he had these things done right now...I guess there's some paperwork that needs to be done first or something...I don't know. I have no idea how any of this works and apparently I agree far too quickly before ever questioning what I should, because--UGH. I never think to ask him the right questions! Anyway.
Well, yesterday while I was at my mom's house, my dad texted me and I am very vocal when I am angered, and it was about the dishes. I had not moved them to the inside of the dishwasher because I wasn't sure if it needed to be run a few times before we used it for the first time. So I blurted something out to my mother, I don't remember, nothing big, because she asked what was the matter, and I covered it with that he was just mad at me for not washing dishes...but she asked if he got a new dishwasher and I said no.
And now I can't figure out for the life of me why I am covering this!! Because, a few weeks ago, my mother told me some really disturbing information about my father...he and her had agreed that I was his dependent and my sister was hers, as she had been living with her every summer, and she paid for my sister's car...and my father claimed her as his dependent even though it'd been agreed upon previously that my sister is my mother's.
Well my boyfriend, who's been through all this with his parent's divorce, explained to me that it makes sense because, my dad makes more money, so I guess for some reason he would get a few thousand more from the government if he claimed her than my mom would, so if he didn't he would have lost out on even more money. But if that's the scenario then I don't really care, because the point is--he went against his word!!! And lying and being dishonest makes for a bad person. He should have just discussed it further with my mother!!! And I know that a lot of this stuff is his fault because I live with him and I am very perceptive about people's characters. I can tell he lies all the time, I've watched him do it without blinking an eye! I don't know how a person can even feel pride in themselves--aren't values the root of the soul?! I just don't understand! I do feel far more angry at him for this, even if I -understand- both sides now. The point is, one person was dishonest, and one was not. And the dishonest one always loses, no matter how great the cause, at least in my eyes. There was no reason not to communicate with her about it. I will laugh if he sues him. I love him but I despise liars!!! If you can lie, you cannot
So what am I supposed to do?! I also keep thinking--if it's still my mother's house, hasn't she a right to know what is going on?! Hasn't she a right to know that the realtor is going to be showing the house this week and hasn't she a right to come visit my dog?? And I know she wasn't perfect in the marriage either, but shouldn't there be an openness involved here so things go along as smoothly as possible??
I hate this, I hate that I had to lie for an already dishonest person. If mom doesn't help pay for the dishwasher and the stove, I don't see how she should have to when he claimed my sister as an independent without discussing with her first!! And yes, my dad supports my mom every month and sends her checks, but that doesn't matter because a lie is a LIE. UGH!! I'm just so stressed about this whole ordeal!!! Honesty in my eyes is the key to one's soul. Your values are who you are. If there is no openness, of course there's much tension. I just don't know what to do!!! How AWFUL...
Onto the entry...
I am not really a fan of having to do this, but you know what? Conventional produce sure is better than no produce...so maybe this is the answer, until I can afford more of the things I'd like to buy. We do what we can with what we have, I suppose.
Made a beautiful dip today out of an avocado, a mango, half a 'cumber (I hate saying the word cucumber and the abbreviation, "cuke," has always kind of thrown me off), the juice of two small lemons, a little salsa, a few cloves of organic garlic, part of an organic onion, and spices. I even crushed mustard seeds into powder with my mortar and pestle--ya-yeahhh!! :P
Put the dip into an old earth balance container that I washed out and voila, I have a dip that's going to last me the next couple of days!!! I figure...mangos conventionally here are 1.50 each, and avocados conventionally are a dollar each, but if I make a huge dip, and fill it with conventional lemon juice, which you can get a bag of 10 small ones for 2 dollars, and half a cucumber, which are 52 cents each, then add maybe a bit of dad's salsa and some spices, I've got a dip that I really enjoy, that's uber healthy, and almost completely raw whenever I'm in a bit of a hustle and bustle and need to get some more raw foods in!!! :) This should last me the next 3 days at least, and all the lemon I added should keep it fresh. It's a good thing I love lemons. :) I could bite into them and eat them, and have in the past, and would continue if it didn't hurt my stomach so! :) I am using the dip inside raw wraps with peeled, chopped up cucumber slices as the filling :) I'm thinking curiously that a certain kind of apple, julienned with more carrots and cucumbers and maybe some cayenne pepper along with it might even be interesting, wrapped up inside green leaf lettuce...it'd be like a little raw roll, egg roll almost :) I love those (I get the vegan ones now if any, of course...taste just as great).
I put the rest of the onion in an old mori-nu vacuum sealed tofu container, I find that those keep onions fresh because they're so tight and kind of hug against them, even if they're not vacuum sealed anymore--and I can throw the onion around inside the box in the fridge without it taking a lot of space, or causing a stench inside a loose dish...plus I don't have to use plastic wrap.
Also bags of conventional apples...good stuff. Lots of these things I'm getting have peels that I can take off too if I'd like to, and I did that with everything I put inside the dip today, except the salsa and spices of course.
And I am caving and buying conventional bananas lately :( Even though I know full well the environmental consequences...Well, to my health. I will buy Rainforest Alliance Certified whenever I can. I wish other people cared about the environment as much as I do.
My boyfriend is so wonderful...he motivates me to do well because he's fiercely motivated about his career and his school...he paid for all the groceries yesterday and I tried to give him the money for half and he wouldn't let me. He definitely, although he thinks it's all rawlogna (heehee, what am I saying?! and has anyone actually liked bologna enough to make rawlogna?), is like his Capricorn horoscope. Anyway, he was getting annoyed with me for trying to use less bags at the grocery store, even though usually I use reusable ones so this was quite the downfall for me in my eyes...and he tried to put the two lettuce heads in two separate bags and when I wouldn't, he put my mango and avocados in another bag (they've got big thick peels!! do we put bananas in bags too? wait--he tried to). He doesn't seem to get that his actions affect the world at all and he doesn't want to care because he thinks it's too troubling. This is a grave, grave difference in our belief-systems. He thought it was funny and that I am crazy for even caring, and it bothers me...I don't know what to say to him to change his mind, but I do think he needs to at least accept me for what I believe and listen to me, and not treat me like I'm a nut. Anyway...
We had salad yesterday for dinner...I had steamed broccoli and a dip I made out of spirulina, spices, and salsa over our green leaf lettuce we bought as mine. At first I was thinking, hmm...not really sure how I feel about HIM having a salad for dinner. But I said nothing. But then he dumped so much ranch dressing on top that my worries vanished!! That little salad probably was more calories than any dinner he has eaten with me here so far, so that was a comfort, lol. We can have salad for dinner every day here as long as he keeps buying that horrible dressing!!! At least it's SOMETHING. He's had a cold he can't knock for a month now and has been losing weight pretty quickly, so yes I'm concerned. And I got him to buy peanut butter at the store for himself! I won't be eating it, of course, but I'm comforted that he will. It's SOMETHING. If I could afford to get him a jar made from jungle peanuts, I would. LOL, I'm sure he'd think it was bogus anyway. Maybe, now that I think about it, that one IS a marketing scam. I mean, who cares...I am not paying 10 bucks for a pound of jungle peanuts. Not that I eat nuts other than coconuts anymore anyway! Are coconuts really even related to nuts?! :P
My mind is racing and I have homework to do!!! Anyway I am so glad I could come back here and connect!! I already feel a bit elevated just from the healthier choices I've made within the last 15 hours! Oh, something has been bothering me that I want to put at the top here...goes back up to edit it.
Take care and have wonderful weeks you lovely souls!!!