Adding LIFE to your years and years to your life!
Today i had a huge realization that I am not any fun anymore.
I used to be fun back when I was happy and had a husband and family to spend the weekends enjoying fun things with. But that changed when my life fell apart and my husband and stepson are gone and although my daughter is still with me she is 16 and very independent with a busy social life of her own.
I have been so hurt and in so much pain these last few months that the idea of actually having fun was inconcevable to me. I have been mainly struggling to just survive. Just get out of bed and get dressed- forcing myself to just do the most basic of things to keep it together on some level.
I wake up everyday with such a pain in my chest like my heart has been ripped out and I just don't want to do anything. But lately I am feeling like I need to fix this because I can't take the pain anymore I have to start healing... this has to get better
and today I realized that I never even think about doing fun things anymore even on the weekends aside from yoga class I just have a list of chores and I get up and try to do some of them before I just can't stand it anymore and climb back into bed.
So after yoga I took the day off and went to the beach. Yes I went alone but because I went alone it was all so much simpler- no cooler to pack, I didn't have to load up surfboards or snorkle gear or be the sunscreen police etc. I just threw on my suit packed a few things for myself and went.
I am so grateful that I live in paradise
I might be alone and broken hearted
but at least it is sunny and warm and the beach is not far away
so for a little while today I actually felt like everything might be alright
my first glance at the light at the end of the tunnel