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Gratitude Listing Into Clarity, Surrender & A Daily Reprieve (Day TWO Raw Results 7/2/11)

 

Just For Today:
TBA (This is regarding the day's food plan.)

I am grateful to have my kids stayover last night and they are snoozing still.
I am grateful I'm dressed to take my first short actual "run" in months (besides running to catch the max).
I am grateful I withstood slander the past few days and wasn't rocked from my knowing of my own goodness and the truth.
I am grateful for a sunny day.
I am grateful for my job.
I am grateful for my friends.
I am grateful for the life force ebbing and flowing through everything and the increasing poignant awareness of how it holds me / loves me.
I am grateful for the key to the next door duplex and a whole week to get moved and get this place cleaned up.
I am grateful it turns out a friend is stage manager for the blues fest and I'm going to stop in and hang out this weekend.
I am grateful I get to experience loving myself and not freaking out or wearing baggy clothes even though I've gained about 13 lbs over the past like month or so. (that's overeating)
I am grateful that when I stop overeating and start the joyous movement of my body (Like right now stepping out for the minimum 20 min run) that weight will come off and I will feel a lot more energetic, lighter and likely my mood will improve.
I am grateful that I can count the few times I've had cooked or gluten food over the past few years and that as I segue-way into this medical nutrient dense fast I will also--as the doctor puts it--withdraw from addicting / allergic foods and also embark on sealing my leaky guy syndrome which is very dangerous to one's health.
I am grateful for understanding and admitting that my overeating has caused inflammation to my system, leaky guy syndrome and that this over a long period of time can weaken the immune system to the point that chronic degenerative disease easily takes form.
I am grateful that I am willing to stop, right now, today, this minute my overeating behavior. I am also willing to stop right now, today, this minute my late night eating and staying up too late.
I am grateful that I realize and I understand the extent that these behaviors are self-destructive and counter to my soul's work here.
I am grateful that I understand fully my calling to be of service in supporting others who wish to also heal from overeating and not resting.

(Editors note: I am grateful for understanding the extent that staying up too late the past few months needs to be addressed--as it depletes the adrenals and a whole slew of other destructive affects. Over time ALSO contributes to chronic degenerative disease.)

I am grateful I have resources and friends and my Higher Power to assist me.
I am grateful I can actually rest in my Higher Power's hands.
I am grateful I REALIZE I am in a HUGE transition and I am truly self-compassionate.
I understand more clearly that Mr Markgraf is not a source of comfort and although he will answer the phone and answer my texts, he is no longer sending his thoughtful good mornings and good night texts unless I initiate it and eventhen he often ignores it.
I am grateful that I have to accept this and that it hurts inside to end at another level of comfort  that I have had.
I am grateful that Mark is not the texting type and he doesn't comfort me much at all. It does create the space for me to heal.
I am grateful that I do have friends who in small ways add to my life where the hole is that Mr Markgraf was, by saying "get to bed" or by stopping by or by enjoying my beauty in passing, these things buffer the pain I have from lack of Mr Markgraf's attentions.
I am grateful that Mr Markgraf gave me so much attention for four years and how prolifically he commented and expressed his attraction to me and his continual affirmation of my beauty and attractiveness.
I am grateful that I GET TO NOW release the fear and terror of being alone. I understand today that food numbing and chewing with the jaw for seratonin production (self-medicating) is NOT THE way I want to go.
I am grateful that I am willing to be raw inside. I am willing to cry between appointments I am willing to weep siliently in an appointment.
I am willing to fall apart if need be, and do nothing on my day off.
I am willing to plop myself into a meeting or a sponsors couch and be listless like the old days of early sobriety 20 years ago.
I am willing to drink apple cider vinegar water until my tummy is comforted instead of packing in bowls of almond butter mix to give a false comfort which only ages me and makes me ache and gives me inflammation and brings on a sense of hopelessness and powerlessness / passivity which today I CHOOSE to release and do differently.
Just for today I am grateful I can choose to live in grace. Not as a white-knuckle but as a surrender.

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Tags: 2, Day, Raw, Results, before, gratitude, headshot

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Comment by Cindy Loo on July 2, 2011 at 10:36pm
Thank you for showing me what beautiful unfolding and an open heart one can be to keep intentions calibrated high.  You are a blessing!
Comment by Barbara on July 2, 2011 at 8:34pm
Beautiful words and thoughts.  Thanks for sharing Cindy.  I, too, am grateful that you're here.  I need to take better care of my adrenals as well.  I'm grateful to read your post and be reminded.
Comment by Janet Carol Ryan on July 2, 2011 at 8:17pm

powerful declarations! gratitude is a major tonic for whatever ails us. Blessings to you

 

Comment by Hot Ta-Molly on July 2, 2011 at 5:32pm
Nice list!  When our kids were younger in homeschool, one of the things they did before starting their regular work was keep a notebook called their Thankfulness List.  They could not write generic answers, "I'm thankful for my food."  etc.  I hope it kept them focused on what we have together as a family.
Comment by Debbie V on July 2, 2011 at 4:35pm
I am grateful that you're back here w/ us, Cindy. Welcome home.

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