Food Addiction & self-judgment

[Sheryl Valentine]

Hi Friends,

This was blog was originally written and posted on 6/22/10.  I was inspired to look at again today and to share it here. Enjoy!

             When it comes to compulsive overeating, it seems the prevailing opinion is that people who overeat do so because they are miserable, lonely, stuffing feelings, etc.  Just the other day I read a quote from an author on this subject: When asked why women overeat? She replied, “Because we’re miserable.”

            Many women I talk to, myself included cannot relate to this as being the sole reason for overeating.  After twenty-five years of talking to people through my chiropractic practice and spiritual counseling, I’ve discovered that “miserable” comes in all shapes and sizes and, so does happiness. 

For me anyway, it’s been a breakthrough to discover that when it comes to compulsive overeating, it is about the food and, it’s not about the food.

First, I’ll elaborate on why it is about the food.  I had a conversation with someone last week about diet programs.  When I shared with her that I was feeling not to eat certain foods, she told me that I shouldn’t deprive myself and that I just needed to learn to eat everything in smaller portions.

            Now, for the average eater, portion control is most likely the way to go; however, can you imagine saying to a cocaine addict, “You need to learn how to portion control that cocaine if you want to get over it.”   Ludicrous, right?  

And then we’re told to eat the “lite” versions of our favorite foods, as if that’s going to cure the habit.  When I was a smoker, smoking the light version of my favorite cigarette did not lead to knocking out the habit. 

As I pondered on the conversation about deprivation, I realized that now that I have quit the smoking habit, I never feel that I’m being deprived of cigarettes.  This stimulated ideas on looking at deprivation from another perspective. 

            So I began to ask myself, “Am I depriving myself of pizza, pasta, tacos or ice cream? Or, am I really depriving myself of feeling light and experiencing freedom?

And then on a worldly note, recently I entered a store filled with the most beautiful clothes.  While there I thought again about deprivation.  I recognized that by indulging in the foods that keep me addicted, I am also depriving myself of wearing the beautiful clothes that I want to wear. 

The question becomes, “What am I really depriving myself of?”

            I had a light bulb moment when I learned more about food addiction, and realized that the foods that I love to overeat are in fact, addictive.  This food addiction arena is so confusing because, we all know that with substances like alcohol or drugs, we can stop the behavior, but with food, we have to eat. I’ve been observing that the foods that are addictive are not even “real” food. 

              I’ve begun to notice how I feel when eating raw fruit and vegetables compared to how I feel when I overindulge in addictive foods.  I’ve also begun to notice that most of the foods I eat addictively, I don’t even like all that much! What a rude awakening that is! Ha! 

            Just this morning I went to a store that had samples of food.  Usually I don’t eat those samples, but this morning there were samples of my drugs of choice: tortilla, cheese and guacamole!  Within moments of eating what was literally two bites, the addicted feast beast within started chattering: “I want more of that!” 

I thought about how prior to eating those two bites, I had not been thinking about food at all, but once I indulged in my hit of cocaine, I wanted more. As I drove home from the store, I literally had to talk myself out of stopping to buy more of that sort of food. 

            One of my patients talked about the same thing recently.  The day after eating three bites of one of her children’s dessert, she said to her husband that she should not have eaten it.  He asked her why as he pointed out that three bites are not going to make her gain weight.  She replied that it wasn’t about gaining weight, but that now she’s craving sugar.   

            Many of us were brought up on sugar-coated cereals, macaroni and cheese, sandwiches, and the like.  Imagine if you were brought up on drugs and alcohol, and then as an adult you’re told that you are addicted to these substances because you are lonely and miserable. 

               One time I actually stayed on a low-carbohydrate diet for a month and to my amazement, I had no desire to eat at night, or to overeat at all.  That’s when I recognized that compulsive overeating has a lot to do with blood sugar imbalances. My eating habits entirely changed until I once again attempted to portion control my drugs of choice.    

                So in many respects, I’ve discovered that it is about the food. And, it’s not about the food. Let’s talk about how it’s not about the food. 

               Recently I spoke with several women who have struggled for a life-time with these issues.  They too could not relate to all the voices telling us that we are eating because we’re miserable and unhappy.  Certainly as a consequence of overeating, one may begin to feel guilt, shame, weak or not good enough.  But what came first? It becomes a vicious cycle.

           

            So as I’ve said, food is most definitely a factor, yet on the other hand, there is still something going on within that propels us to return to our drugs of choice.  When I finally gave up smoking it was only because there was something I wanted more, freedom from that habit.

              Healing food addiction must take place on two levels:  On the level of form, which is the choice to not indulge in certain behaviors or substances; and the spiritual level, which is asking Spirit Within to reveal what needs healing in me.  I have been working with these approaches and it seems that I come to ever increasing understanding of myself and why I do the things I do.  

            In general I live a rich and full life.  I love my life and, I love tasty food and wine, so I guess if I’m going to have an issue, it could have been a lot worse! Ha!  Nevertheless, I have felt frustrated and confused due to really wanting to change this pattern of overeating, and not being able to do so.  

            The other day I was driving to work and listening to an audio on NTI Luke that was about judgment and willingness.  As I listened, it was if Spirit whispered in my ear, “Sheryl, give those judgments about yourself to Me.  Give your willingness to lay your self-judgments aside.”  

         I stopped the cd, and took a moment to do just that.

Holy Spirit,

 I am willing to give these

judgments about myself

to You.

In gratitude, I rest in your

Love.

             I felt release in that moment.  Then I popped the cd back in and heard Love respond:

I bless you with My gratitude each time you give Me

 but the smallest measure of your willingness,

 for each small measure is like fertilizer;

it is useful to Me in the healing of your heart.

                                                                                                             (NTI Luke 13:1-9 v18)

            I felt in that moment and feel again now, the Presence of Love in my mind and I feel such gratitude for this healing taking place in my heart.  Have you made judgments about yourself today?  Stop, and give a little willingness to lay them aside. 

               There’s a passage in A Course in Miracles that has really spoken to me of late: “Remember, then, that whenever you look without and react unfavorably to what you see, you have judged yourself unworthy…” 

            Self-judgments are spoken from the voice of unworthiness masquerading as you!  When focused on changing things out there, we’re really only focused on our thoughts.  The Good News is that we can change our thoughts! 

            In that same section of NTI Luke we are told:

             “It is your thoughts that have made you suffer. And so, if you would choose freedom, you must also choose freedom from your thoughts.

            “This is why I have come. I am here to teach you to lay down your thoughts, to loosen yourself from your bindings, and to straighten up and walk in joy and gratitude instead.”

               There is a sense of freedom in seeing that our suffering comes from our thoughts about our circumstances or conditions; but we may then move into wondering why the “problem” still seems to be staring us in the face.  The “problem” will remain as long as we continue to think about it in the same way.  Tomorrow will look like yesterday when we continue to think the same thoughts.

           Healing occurs in the present moment. In this moment:

Willingness and resistance cannot coexist.

Acceptance and self-judgment cannot coexist.

Self-love and self-hatred cannot coexist.

Love and fear cannot coexist.

Awareness and compulsion cannot coexist.

I cannot be awake and asleep at the same time.

            In this present moment I can bring awareness to what is occupying my thoughts.

           In the moment that I am willing to give my thoughts to the Source of Healing, in that moment I rest in willingness, acceptance, love and awareness.  Now is the time for healing.  The antidote to unworthiness, guilt and fear is, Now. 

[Sheryl Valentine]

haha, good point Angela... by the time we figure it out, we'll be dropping these body clothes! ha

last night I re-visited this page from "The Diabetes Diet" (not just for diabetics, but carb addicts can be headed in that direction), by Dr. Richard Bernstein and he says this:

"The Diabetes Diet works better than typical low-carb regimens for other reasons as well.  The first is that, within the guidelines, you eat what you want and like to eat, but there are no "treat days".  Many low-carb plans ignore the reality that much of overweight and obesity is directly related to carbohydrate addiction [in the form of processed carbs], and constant snacking.  This may be because many dietitians and diet doctors really don't understand carbohydrate addiction. 

Treat days are a little like having a smoker go all week without a cigarette and then saying "go ahead and have a cigarette on Saturday".  My experience with my patients has demonstrated over and over that for people with a history of overeating "treats", it's much simpler just to give up the treats than to have the self-discipline to eat only one small portion of sweets or starches on a treat day.  I have also found that when most people give up fast-acting carbohydrate, their desire to snack, and overeat goes away too.

"...my collage classmate became obese after years of poor diet and carbohydrate addiction... he lost weight and felt great and then one evening he went to a party and "just had one" cracker.  No problem he thought.  But it was the same as if he'd been a smoker who'd stopped and then just had one cigarette.  It was impossible to stop at just one, and his diet never recovered.  he gained the weight he'd lost in no time."

Bernstein's analogy of the cigarette hooked me in because I had that experience.  I know that if I smoked a cigarette today I would probably go back to that habit.  I think that for *some* people, not all people, certain types of carbs are like cigarettes, and the truth is, not much better for you than cigarettes.

However, I do think that most of the low-carb authors, including this one, throw the baby out with the bathwater and make almost all carbs "bad".  Fruit and even baked potatoes make me feel really good.  It's obvious that these foods do not have the same effect in the body as processed carbohydrates do.

I'm often dismayed to read the bad rap fruit gets, even from some of the raw food authors, when I truly believe, and the body will attest to it, that it's one of natures most perfect foods for us, especially when eaten properly, i.e. on an empty stomach.

[angela usher]

A very thought provoking post Sheryl. I also tend to agree with the things Nathalie says. As a society we almost seem to have lost ourselves in the Western world when it comes to food and eating.  So many of us don't even sit down to the table to eat. Ever.

I'm sure that there have always been food addicts (me) to one degree or another...even before there was so much processed food around. But oh how hard it is and I don't buy processed foods or takeaways...never have. Yes Nathalie we just enjoy eating : )  But I don't know when to stop.

They do say (I can only speak for UK) that during WW2 when everyone was "Digging for Victory" and sugar and butter were rationed that the population was the healthiest it had ever been collectively (I don't think I would like to have tried some of the recipes that the government suggested though).

I too feel so much better and  lighter when I pay attention to my food and produce some tasty  meals but sometimes it does get soooo hard....especially if you aren't particularly gifted or creative in the kitchen....and have a husband who is very difficult to feed : (  I'd rather be out in the garden growing things!

It certainly is that first bite that does it (sob sob).  I'm not depressed but it does affect my mood (negatively) when I've eaten a meal or three that are somewhat lacking in the proper nutrients.

Onwards and upwards. Tomorrow is another date and another clean slate.....trouble is I'm 65 in a couple of months and by the time I've worked this all out I'll be off somewhere else leaving this mortal coil far behind me : ) Ha Ha.

Love Angela XXX

[Sheryl Valentine]

Dear Nathalie, I so resonate to you comments! And I get, that it can be difficult to give up the foods that we really Love! And... admittedly I haven't done that yet, although I am working on it.   Nevertheless, I see that when I go back to processed carbs, I am also back into that addiction.. We persevere! Thank you for doing it with me! Much love!

[nathalie carles]

Sheryl dear Sheryl...this again is very interesting post on that matter.

Yes I have to stop remembering how my addictive foods are so good. I am French and food a total different matter in my country (I now live in Canada) and we have a totally different approach of seeing food as well.

Here in North America, food is name medically: people will have protein + carbs at lunch, or protein+greens or Omega 3 or this ot hat...very rarely people name the food itself. It is like a medecine in a way.

In France, we eat" chicken and rice"  or a vegetables (we name the veggies) or pasta + this or that (we name everything) at a dinner in France no one really will tell you that what you are eating is Omega 3 pr 6 or protein, eating is just a pleasure, a way of life not a medecine. (they do the same in Italy by the way, they name what they eat).

So by coming here, first I put on 20 pounds right away, and then I have sometimes a real hard time to understand what on earth someone has eaten for lunch, because that person has eaten "carbs".

That being said, food in France is really delicious, it is part of our culture and there is no such thing as SAD or whatever...just "food", we seat for lunch and as kids at school (every school) kids sit down for lunch at a table and have a real meal, mothers don't have to "make a peanut butter sandwich" or else, we have real food as kids (very important), and it is hard for me not to remember that a certain food that I had at a certain dinner was delicious because this is how I was brought up.

Doesn't mean I don't eat too much, on the contrary but by coming to North America I have developed bigger cravings, sugar is everywhere, vitamins put everywhere too (even in milk for kids!) it is hard not to avoid sugar.

I have done it many times: get clear of sugar and I feel so much better and then one day...bang...and the addiction comes back at the speed of light.

So by reading your post, I understand that staying clear of "trigger foods" like sugar and white flour (for me) is the key and that is what I have to do for the rest of my life. But the most essential that comes out of these posts is: may be I am not an emotional eater in fact but just someone who loves eating and remembers a good meal and has a problem with quantities? (as the  answer of the member said: obsessed with eating).

This is a really important post that you have started here Sheryl.

 I have noticed too that on the 28dayreset, a lot of people struggle with this "emotional eating thing" and may be we are in the wrong direction we are just obsessed with food and love it.

So I am going to set my mind on:  quit-sugar-and-white-flour-or-any-other-flour-in-fact-for-the-rest-of-my-life and I fell good about it, not that it is going to be easy but I love challenges.

I am sure there will be more replies to this post and that I will myself reply again, but thank you very much for posting it and replying to it. Have a great day.

(PS: I think chiropractors should be mandatory in someone's life by the way)

(PS2: I forgot to mention that, true, we don't have to be miserable to eat too much!!!)

[Sheryl Valentine]

Thank you Nathalie. I appreciate your comments. A few of us are having a discussion on this over at the 28 day reset site so I'll share a comment (anonymously) and my responses.

Member Comment:

I totally relate to what has been described here. For years I assumed I was an emotional eater and was obsessed with eating. Turns out, I was insanely addicted to carbs and it was my blood sugar levels spiking up and down that was making me have burning desires to eat. Since (mainly) eliminating them from my diet, I am experiencing a 'normal' type of hunger, where I don't have the shakes or faintness but just the feeling of 'oh yeah I can eat soon I guess', which I never had. Also, just one bite and I am off on a binge. So you are exactly right - you can't just have a little bit, it has to be eliminated for good. And we will be all the more better for it.

I recently was given some great advice about what our conscious and subconscious minds think and feel about the 'drugs of choice'. Basically when we initially think about a food that is our 'drug of choice', we need to associate that food with the horrible feelings we have and the consequences of that bite (binge etc) rather than remembering how good it tastes. Because usually all we associate it with is how good it tastes and good it makes us feel (initially). But we can train our minds to look past that initial pleasure and remember that it is a 'dead food' and it makes us sick. You just need to make the association. Simple hypnotherapy can help with this. I have tried it and it has made a difference.

Thanks for your post, all the best!

My response: yes what you say in your 2nd paragraph is something I too have experienced.  More recently I have begun to notice, really notice, how I feel after I eat certain foods, especially pasta. I am attempting to bring more awareness to such things, and you're right, it has made a difference!

many people in the health fields do not really undertstand the addictive nature of processes carbs and sugar.  I read a lot of low carb books last year (and also in years past), but they really bring home this idea, and the problem is that most people don't realize (and I didn't for a long time) how quickly the addiction is triggered again by eating certain foods.

Dr. Bernstein wrote a book called: The Diabetes Diet.  He's someone who had diabetes since childhood and learned to control it with food.  He became an MD in his 40s soley so that he would have credibility to help other people.  He is one of the few low-carb authors who talks about the addictive nature of carbs and how it is best to not go back.  It's a bit more difficult than giving up other substances because with our drugs of choice, our drug buddies are friends, family, co-workers and they exist everywhere we go.  I mean, no one has tried to get me to smoke a cigarette, but everyone is trying to get you to eat certain foods.

The books that really opened eyes to this are: Kay Sheppard's books: Food addiction and the other one is: From the first bite.  When I read her books it was the first time I had read a book (and I've read 100s literally on food/weight/health/etc.) that described how I felt.

[nathalie carles]

Well...that is quite a post....thank you for it i will have to read it a few more times as it is very intense. Food addiction.....the root of the problem but just the surface of the iceberg...also the addictive food when well prepared are delicious which makes it even more difficult to get rid of. Sugar...the worst of all...

Thank you Sheryl for this very very interesting-eye opening-real-true.long post, I will read this again tonight!