Adding LIFE to your years and years to your life!

First time out of the gate

I've never done a blog before so this is a first. My journey to health has been a long time coming because as someone else said before, I was raised to think myself unworthy. I worked through a great deal of that kind of thinking, but always knew some parts remained--especially when it came to my own self.

My Dad died young at 62 and I have always thought I did not want to end up that way. I am the heaviest in my immediate family--even though weight is an issue for my father's side of the family. My mother has hardly weighed over 100 lbs her entire life. I was always everyone's caretaker as the oldest child--really, chief cook and bottle washer--the lead responsible for us kids. And my entire life has been spent that way!

I once had a reading by Mona Lisa Schultz, a medical intuitive, who said that my weight was the burden of my responsibilities--that I had to let them go so I could heal my life. I have come to understand how right she was! As I have shed some of the responsibilities I've carried--especially that one of doing it myself because only I could do it correctly--I have come to greater understanding of the need to care for myself first.

My bliss is being in service and my life's work as a priest serves me extremely well. It is through my practice of faith as a Buddhist that I have made this incredible journey and now find myself on the brink of absolute success. This is very scary because I know the only one who can prevent my success is me. Physically, the raw journey is wonderful, healing, intoxicating to the senses--I feel awake, aware, alive. Emotionally, giving myself permission to be the healthy and vibrant woman I want to be is difficult. It's pretty easy for me to sabotage myself with the "just this once" kind of thinking. This is what my prayers are about--to be open to being who I already am--in a smaller size!

I have told my family and friends about this journey so they will help me to not be enticed by all the things I allow to tempt me. Not yet 100% but some days are totally raw, with pure vegan fare the rest of the time.

The weather is beautiful and it's the perfect time for this journey of health and faith.

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Comment by Myokei on April 5, 2011 at 10:37pm: Hi Jill,

I feel your pain. I know that taking responsibility for ourselves is often difficult; yet, you are here, doing the deed and that's what really counts. Let's walk this journey together and see tremendous strides during this 11 week challenge.

Thank you Michelle and Darlene.

Comment by michelle mezzone on April 5, 2011 at 9:52pm: Beautiful first blog!

Comment by jill anderson on April 5, 2011 at 9:48pm: Dear Darlene,in reference to talking to Myokie.My growing up (childhood)was so similar to his as far as being the older sibling and put on so much troubles on us young innocent children.I am from a family of 5 kids,the 2nd oldest was me,and due to my moms weight (may she rest in peace),but was unable to leave the home because being really large and ridiculed by complete strangers on how she looked she would go on drastic diets and lose 200lbs in a year.Anyways sorry I am just thinking back,but I had so many responsobilities and tons of verbal abuse(father)but i didnt mind helping,but years later,people forget how many things I have done,and honestly,I am 40 years old and still think "what have I done so bad to my siblings,my dad,my mom passed in 2000 at age 50,and it eats me up,knowing why do i still dwell on this?I know if my father truly cared hed contact me,god knows I have tried,and he lives about a 5 minute car ride from me.I read ur words saing"stop blaming others for how they made u feel"and as much as i try,and forgive it still creeps back to me,and I need how to learn that it is what it is,and my old relationships with family members aparently dont value me,and its sad,in my case.I mean they say blood is thicker than water.I just guess thats not in my cards with my siblings and father.I have 2 young girls and couldnt imagine not seeing or talking to for months after months.I just dont know.Thanks for listening...

Comment by darlene knight on April 5, 2011 at 6:37pm: Because of that fear, people stay stuck exactly where they are. Even though you are hurting deeply your afraid of a new and improved you and if you will be accepted or not. Taking the power and control over your thoughts takes some true inner work but you are doing it and I know you'll have the success you wish for. You have to make the decision to honor yourself and believe that YOU ARE WORTH IT AND YOU DESERVE IT! When we are confronted with putting the effort into ourselves or taking the easy way out...we tend to take the easy way out even if we know that it isn't the best choice! Even though you were raised to think yourself unworthy, you have to rid that excuse....let it go....it is actually just a feeling you have that you have had for so long that makes moving forward even harder...you've allowed it to move into your head and set up camp!! YOU are the only one that can evict the thought for good and never allow it to move back in! You are carrying around that heavy burden and it is time to release it...Stop blaming others for how they made you feel....it's become your excuse....it's latched onto you and you are holding onto something that serves you no purpose. Focus your thoughts on today...this very moment...and the fact that you want to be healthier and have a more positive mind set and make yourself a priority because life will continue to move forward anyway whether you choose to step forward or not! By freeing your mind, you will be able to begin to free the pounds as well! I wish you the best and I hope to see that beautiful face of yours smiling like crazy very soon!

Comment by Melissa Susan Lugo on April 5, 2011 at 5:54pm: FANTASTIC!! I HAVE A LOT TO LEARN MY SELF SO I HOPE YOU AND I WILL LEARN TOGETHER HOW TO DO THE SAME THING! HAVE WONDERFUL DAY ~MEL