No rigid rules, labels or dogmas.... just REAL food, for your body, mind & soul!
I was appalled this morning as I stepped on the scales to see I am almost at my highest weight again since being 189 pounds several years ago...Fall of 2006. At that point in my life I had come to realization that nothing in my life was going to change unless I changed, including my marriage. I had been married for 14 yrs and was so miserable with my life. My son was about 7 yrs old and I refused to let him learn the ways of his father. God had put me in places that year that I needed to be to be able to see what I needed to do and what I could do! So onward I went into the great unknown....filed for divorce, started exercising, changing what and how much I ate, started feeling like a new person all over, mentally and physically. (At this time, I was not eating mostly raw, just healthier cooked foods.)
So fast forward 7 months.....I had gotten my weight down to 149 pounds, felt great, loved running and exercising...... and best of all, my husband and I worked things out and got back together before the divorce was final. To this day, I am happy with my life with my husband and he is the man I always thought I married. He's a great father and husband. And most the time I think he knows me better than I know myself.
So where does that leave me I wonder....but to realize that I AM MY OWN PROBLEM AND WORST ENEMY!! That's my only explanation. Its been a struggle since over the past 2 years of eating more RAW, my husband and now 13 yrs old son do not want to eat like I do, and better yet they make smart comments about what I eat and when I eat. (I just read that Penni Shelton dealt w/ the same types of issues w/ her family....makes me feel a little more normal. haha) It's still hard to take and mentally deal with sometimes.
The only thing short of divorcing my husband again to lose this 40 pounds, which I kinda like him now and really want to keep him around, is to DIVORCE THIS WAY OF LIFE! I have to divorce the negative thoughts that I let in my head everyday without even my knowledge of them....its that automatic! I have to divorce the idea that I'm not worthy, that this is the life I'm supposed to live, that I don't deserve to be healthy and skinny!
So, I will make preparations today to start on 100% raw 10 day cleanse tomorrow! I can do this, I am woman and I am strong! And I am so worth it all!! I can be what I've always wanted to be....strong, healthy, skinny, and beautiful! I will change those pictures in my head that I spoke of a few days ago....I will smile when I see those pictures and be happy with MYSELF!!! and probably most of all....LOVE MYSELF!!!