No rigid rules, labels or dogmas.... just REAL food, for your body, mind & soul!
I could list all the things that have recently changed in my life or are about to change, but it would probably be quicker to say what has not: almost nothing. Oh, ok, I'll quit being lazy:
1. Mom got really sick (like REALLY sick) on Good Friday (it was not so good.) She was knocking on Heaven's door but Thank God St. Peter said, "Go away! We don't want any!" and she made it. But I realized, and so did my only sis, that this meant she could never live alone again. Period. We looked at "Rehabilitation Centers" and saw "nursing home where people are warehoused till they give up and die." Instead we brought her home, and I moved in. My 18 yr old son, still in highschool (graduating on June 11! Gack!) did not want to move because it was far from his school (10 miles) and would just make everything harder. So I sucked up very many tears and moved myself and one kitty and let him stay in our house with the dog and other kitty and I just check on him and hang out with him a lot. But I miss seeing his smile every day and I feel like a bad mother, even though he is doing great. He buys his food (and my MIL brings him lots of meals) and takes care of the pets and keeps the house clean and is just so responsible beyond his years. I am so proud of him!
2. He is graduating. My daughter did that a few years ago and went away to college and I handled it ok. Not great. But this is mah bay-bee and he is graduating and then he will be away being a camp counselor this summer and going off to University this fall and I am feeling it. I am having a lot of grief around the most treasured part of my life, being a mom, morphing and being forever altered. I also feel cheated of my short time with him because of needing to be with my mom. I feel like I am doing the right thing, but I am losing out and I know it. And it hurts. I feel like I am being left behind while everyone goes off to start their grand adventure. It's the old "I can't live without you but you won't miss me a bit." It's not true, I know, just perception bourne of grief for childhood's end and wishing I had more time with these incredible people I am lucky enough to have call me mom.
3. Because my mom's house is already fully furnished (and then some!) I am liquidating about 90% of what I own. All the furniture except a family heirloom china hutch and a hope chest, and our beds and electronics, and of course my Vitamix, Exculibur, spiralizer,and food processor. The rest is going to be going into a very short "estate sale" type of sale and whatever is left will be given to charity. Of course I am keeping photos and clothes, but even the clothes are getting a stern look and being asked, "Do I love you? Do you look good on me? Do you have stains or need repairs?" and if it doesn't pass all the tests out it goes to bless someone else. Now, if I am honest I am a bit of a horder--nothing like those extreme cases on tv--but I have a hard time giving up things because "it was expensive" "it is sentimental" "I might need that," etc. So this is going to be a huge release and letting go. And the money I get from the sale I will use to donate to the storm victims in Oklahoma. My heart tells me that is the right thing to do, and it takes the sting out of losing "my stuff."
4. I recently re-rawed, and there is a grief there too, for the bad food that I know was killing me but tasted good. I don't have to tell all of you that it can be hard. I am not a moderation girl, either. As a compulsive eater, I need to stay on my plan which is mostly raw (85%) all vegan, no gluten, no sugar except fruit. Just as you wouldn't tell an alcoholic, "Oh, just one beer won't hurt!" or offer "just one cigarette" to an ex-smoker, I know that going back to my old ways even a little will make it nigh unto impossible to get back to healthy. I have made my peace with it, I would rather walk and breathe and LIVE, and it is a good trade off to say the least! But crap food had been my crutch a long time, and without it, I limp a little.
So I guess that I am saying that although it is really hard to get to a computer (only access to one at work, where they expect me to, you know, work) I am going to be committing to coming here and journaling and reaching out for support and to be there for all of you too. Can I ask for some Cliff Notes as to what's been going on for you?