Adding LIFE to your years and years to your life!
Had another...long, longgg, almost debate like conversation (actually, I think she might have been getting a little upset. I really hope not as I love her dearly. I also hope I didn't make her feel badly somehow or embarrassed her somehow. I'm honestly really worried about it, although I know I shouldn't be. I feel like she might have taken it more seriously than me.) with a good friend over facebook about meds vs. natural healing. She thought that my approach was a lot less balanced than it actually was--and being myself, I couldn't resist correcting her (I wish I had better self-restraint in that category. I'm a bit of a passion-bug when it comes to people misinterpreting me. They MUST be corrected. Oy. >.< I can't decide if it's something I need to work on or not, because I'm misinterpreted so often I feel like it's my duty people must know the truth otherwise everyone will think I'm ludicrous, as the person is surely making me sound ludicrous. Anyway. Very, very silly.). The conversation ended with her being like, "Well, I can't say much more because we both agree." And now I feel bad. I know she is a girl who prides herself on her intelligence, and I am very proud of her and think she's extremely intelligent, and I know me defending myself might have been a bit of a blow. But a little voice in my head is saying, "Lyza, you're being too nice, she needed it." And I'm like, "You're mean!! :(" And it's like, "Someone had to say it." And I'm like, "Why me?!" And it doesn't know what to say. LOL.
I need to find a way to cool down. I don't want to be so firey that I am constantly worrying about people's feelings being hurt. I think I was really kind and balanced...and yet that might be part of the reason I feel so bad. Because that's the attitude that tends to make people feel the most stupid, and it wasn't my intention at all to make her look stupid, I think she's extremely smart and I was just trying to reason with her. Hopefully she's okay.
Anyway, I wanted to talk about something. My arthritis hurts very badly today. Worse than it has in a very long time. I'm concerned...worried... Today I had a fruit smoothie, a cucumber, and 1.5 avocados worth of guacamole with corn in it. It wasn't much to be sure, and I'll have to make sure tomorrow I eat far better and more. I got so caught up in all the things I was doing and thinking that I just forgot to eat. This never happens when I eat cooked food but is so easy to do raw because there's no ready made temptations anywhere (other than plain bananas and some lame citruses for juicing here today...if there were fresh organic apples and berries and things I'd be a lot more tempted by the, 'ready-mades,'
This pain is making me think I've got to go hardcore on this diet. Greens, citruses, no more corn, no more nightshades. I don't like that extremity of elimination. I would do so wonderfully on this diet if it could just stay as it is--any fruit or veggie I want, greens, a raw sprouted grain protein powder, and chia seeds. But it's not seeming to be that simple. The protein powder might have to go too. Which means we'd be spending around 20 dollars more a week on greens. And we can't afford it. And I need to be able to walk to a job in order to pay for it. And I can't walk that far in my current condition. Oy vey :( If only dad could see me now. We always meet on my good days and then he wants to play tough love and not help me. This is a horrible one. And I don't like moaning about this stuff. It's depressing and makes me sound like I'm complaining.
But since I have mentioned it...I need to write down exactly where I am feeling this plain, because it's in new places, and more pronounced than ever before.
The back of my neck always hurts and it is so, so very sore today. I think I sat down for too long. I NEED to make exercise a priority, and at least stretches...that's IMPERATIVE for keeping arthritis health, and I've been terrible about doing it. To be honest, it is SO difficult. Like that humira commercial (irony), "Did you know? Exercise can be good for arthritis, but when you have arthritis, it can be hard to exercise." Ah yes, the old catch 20. Story of my life.
Both of my knees...I'm trying not to let this disappoint me, hurt. A year ago, I never ever had trouble with them, and it's been ever increasing for the last year. Both my ankles have a faint ache. My wrists. My left rib cage. Faintly at the tops of my legs. Pronounced--all of my back muscles. Pronounced, more than in a long time--my left hip (the core of my arthritis). My sides. My left hand. My left foot. Little pains all over my body, sneaking up on me, hurting me, many I've felt faintly before but ignored, so much more pronounced. And I'm taking the muscle relaxers and 5mg of prednisone still too. Everything is just exacerbated today, maybe due to the lack of exercise and--water.
I didn't drink enough water today again. I wish that weren't so easy for me. I will have to put a reminder on my hand or on the wall, or on my cellphone somehow. I feel headachey and my stomach hurts. I know it's dehydration. Darn it >./p>
Tomorrow sounds like a great day to juice those citruses. I put lots of things off today, unintentionally and subconsciously (now I'm aware), because I was sore. I spent far too much time sitting, and I know it's because I was sore and stressed out about homework, doing other things, dreaming of other ideas and then feeling guilty and still sitting because I had homework--not allowing myself to do anything extraordinary until that stressful task is finished. I desperately need to stop that bad habit and put exercise above homework to negate this situation. And I also need to do my homework and just get it overwith. I don't know why but it becomes so, so very scary right now, maybe because I put it off when I shouldn't have (I have always had this anxiety, by the way. Actually I'm very proud of myself, this is far less than I used to get a few years ago before I went vegan, and I'm handling it awesomely. I'm aware, I know the steps to cope, and I'm going to do them and it'll go away.).
Time to drink some water and get ready for bed, hoping for healing. I feel like crying right now in disappointment, but it's way, way too early for that.