Beconing for change

[Faye Scott]

As I said in my last post....I am rock bottom.  With my Fathers condition up and down, and up and down, it often feels like we are on an emotional roller coaster.  I love my Father dearly, but with his lack of quality of life and the daily pain he feels, I wish he would be released to continue into the next life and be set free of his ailments.  I also wish I could stop putting life on hold to take care of him and so I can move on with my life as well.  It has been a HUGE challenge watching a parent die.  However, that said, it also makes me realize the expediency and urgency I need to feel to get my own health on track and overcome my addictive patterns of overeating and abusing my body.  I have zero desire to have my kids wipe my butt when I am merely 65 years old!  LOL

 

I am now back to my all-time weight.  How frustrating is that?  It took less than a year to put back on every pound I sweated off over the years.  To make matters worse, I now work full-time and my schedule is not allowing me to workout for great lengths of time like I need to for weight loss.  My stress eating has been out of control and I seem to be more addicted to food than ever.  The harder I try to stay away from food, the worse I become!  I have researched for years health and diet and fitness, and lately have been drawn to the whole idea of raw foods.  THIS approach MAKES SENSE!  With all my training and education in the health field, as well as my own personal quest for knowledge, is all I can say, is this makes so much sense that I am amazed more people are not on board with it!  I want more than ever to STOP my roller coaster of weight.  I want so badly to be able to do what I most want to do in life; which is to inspire and educate others in their own battles with obesity.  I cannot do it though UNTIL I get control!  I have to show I have succeeded myself BEFORE I can help others do the same!  I am determined to make this change.  Probably more determined than ever!  I feel as though I finally have some tools I have not had before now, and I KNOW it is a quest I can complete and succeed in! 

 

Last week I managed to do 6 days of a 7 day juice fast.  I was feeling pretty good and then my food started calling my name!  I withstood it until my body was cleansing so heavily that I was literally ill and could not leave my house for fear of losing control of my bowels.  I felt so weak that I fell prey to my cravings and gave in.  I am not beating myself up for it though, rather, I am re-committing to do at least a 10 day juice fast this time.  I know my body will love me for it and I really need to juice fast until the cravings dissipate, and my body is cleansed.  I figure I will do a 10 day and go from there.  So, here's to new beginnings and finding my way out of the deep, dark hole!  It's a new day tomorrow and a new life is beckoning me!  I will blog my progress, emotions, struggles and triumphs along the way.  I know I will look back and say WOW!!!  I have come far!!!  But for now, I will look at it one day at a time!

[Dee]

Faye, my heart goes out to you. My Dad has cancer...I see where the road will eventually take me, my family. These are the hard times in our life. Easy to say you must take care of yourself when in reality we just have to get through these times. Stress, often times just leads us in directions we really just do not want to go. Alice wrote on my blog the other day "Left foot, right foot, Dear"...it is as easy as that!

[Bette Bliss Shaw]

Faye, we love you!!! How hard that must be. Tough time of life when our parents age and are sick.

This is the  big stuff of life that calls for our mettle, our strength. Be strong with your dad, (note I didnt say for him). Being strong with him means meeting him where he is at while honoring your own emotions and feelings in it too.

Being with him in comfort while comforting yourself too. This is a hard time. Much love to you! Keep tying in here and having loving support as it will help you immensly!!!

[angela usher]

Faye I so understand what you're going through. My dad died in March after my sister and I took care of him for about five years...the last twelve months were very hard. I also try to look after my daughter who has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and work three days a week (it was more but I had to cut back)

At times I felt like I'd totally lost myself...and good food, well that certainly took a back seat and I ate for comfort...even though I was still trying to participate in RFR. I too felt like I was in a deep dark hole. I also put my life on hold so I don't have friends any more because it was just so hard.....I do have lots of acquaintances  though : )

Like you I'm trying to take each day at a time......I want to do this Juice Feast but I'm a bit scared : (

Keep blogging and let us know how you're doing.     Lots of love Angela XXX

 

[Mango♥Luvr]

Hi Faye!  I can certainly sympathize with you about how slowly the weight comes off and how quickly it comes back!  Been there - several times!  I was at my all time high a couple of years ago and decided I was not going to buy 1 more size of clothes so I joined a popular weight loss program and it took me 2 long years just to take off 55 pounds.  Then this past March I decided I could do it on my own.  It only took a few weeks for the old cravings to come back full force and within a few months I had gained back 25 lbs!  Then I found RFR and joined the initiative that started in July.  I've been doing pretty good for about 5 weeks and then all of a sudden this past week the cravings came back again and I am struggling to fight them off, and not always winning.  It is definitely one day at a time for me and some days are better than others.  Like you, I'm not going to beat myself up about it, but rather dust myself off and get back on the path. 

Hang in there!  It will get better.  Your father is lucky to have you to be there with him as he goes through these painful last stages of life.  Later on, when you are still in good health and well rested, you will be glad you were able to help him in his time of need.