Loving Ourselves & Establishing Boundaries

[Penni]

Learning to set specific boundaries has been a very big part of my own evolution and growth along my personal journey towards optimum health and wholeness.  My nature is to be a loving and accepting person, but I have often found that life circumstances and people can trample, take advantage of or abuse my loving intentions and acts of generosity.

 

It's been a painful and hard road for me (and for those who I have loved) because for the majority of my life I didn't understand the importance of setting healthy boundaries for myself and with others. I know that many of us have struggled with this very issue, so even though this post deviates from my usual musings of food, I believe this topic has relevance in many areas of our lives. When we are clear about our needs and set those needs as a priority, we are not being mean, selfish or inconsiderate. It is only when we learn to love ourselves enough to nourish our own spirit and bodies that we are able to be truly generous with our love and compassion for others.

 

To respect and honor your authentic self, you must set personal boundaries. Your boundaries help define who you are and what you will and will not tolerate in your life. Learning to set boundaries often feels uncomfortable at first, but the process becomes more natural to you as you move into living and honoring your genuine self. You set boundaries with your professional peers, friends and family, emotional boundaries in virtually all aspects of your life, and spiritual boundaries as you embark on your life journey.

Know your personal choice, and when to say yes or no. This is the essence of setting emotional boundaries. For example, if someone demands your time or energy and you do not wish to participate, say "no" and if you choose, explain why. Causing a major confrontation isn't always necessary.

Watch for warning signals that trigger the need for boundaries. Various situations require you to set emotional boundaries. You usually receive warning signals. You may distance yourself from someone who is abrasive. You may prefer not to spend your energy on someone who does not live up to his word. If you notice someone is undermining you or putting you down, you may emotionally need to move completely away from the individual. Don't allow others to take advantage of you, treat you with disregard, or demean you. If you maintain healthy emotional balance, you are taking a giant step on the path to your power. You gain great strength in your emotions and mental health each time you stand up for yourself and protect your emotional well-being.

Decide how to set the boundary. If someone crosses your emotional boundaries, you may choose to address the issue outright and work toward a mutual understanding and solution. Or you may decide to quietly set your boundary through limiting your time with that person or being involved in a particular situation. You might also find removing yourself from a toxic environment is necessary. Take time to define your boundaries and seek a solution that allows you to maintain self-respect and live authentically.

Make healthy boundaries a part of your life. Your spiritual boundaries help define your soul's growth. As you pursue your spiritual journey, you will know your truth in your heart. Love, kindness, generosity, and healthy support for your fellow travelers become part of your life as you experience your inner power, joy and peace. Setting boundaries in your spiritual life includes making time to pray and meditate, getting involved with causes that are dear to your heart, cultivating your divine relationship with God or your Divine Source, and living fully in your truth.

Written with the help of: How to Set Personal Boundaries

[beverly meldrum]

hi penny how right this is i was raised to put everyone else first ,even today my loverley mother of 87 still does bless her,but rarely does she get the same respect back and this makes me feel sad ,i now no after reading this that i have to start putting myself first to get myphisical health strong and my mental health to,its a new concept to me as im used to caring for everyone but myself but now i relise im worth all the love and care too that i give to everyone around me thank you

beverly meldrum said:

Penni said:

As we begin our Go FRESH Initiative - I am reminded of the importance of setting our boundaries and taking care of ourselves in a healthy way.

[Susan Stevens]

Penni - This is so amazing.  My therapist was discussing boundaries and my need to develop some just last week.  This post and your links are so helpful to that end.  Thank you as always...you always hit the nail right smack on the head!  Sorry I haven't been around.  Life got sort of out of hand but I've really missed you and the rehab.  Think it's time for me to come home!!!  : )

[HippyDaisyChick]

This is such an important part of our healthy life.

[Susan Stevens]

Just came across this post, Penni.  So important for me right now.  Thank you!

[Penni]

a good post to revisit from time to time.

[Linda Ann]

Very good indeed, we also should relay this to our children.....Some of us have come from an era of "self sacraficing" and it should never be to the point of losing yourself.  We can agree to help but within boundries, we can agree to work  but withing boundries and we can agree to love unconditional, but with boundries.  Thank you for the reminder today.

[Susan : )]

I have recently enforced boundaries in love ... It has freed me up to grow stronger.  For the first time in my life, and this has been a long time in coming, I have starting living life for me!  I still give of myself to others in my family, friends, etc...but I put myself first!  I am being daily refreshed and empowered as I do this!  I am even a better Mom, Friend, etc. for it!  Self-care has never been so rewarding as it is now! : )

Linda Ann said:

Very good indeed, we also should relay this to our children.....Some of us have come from an era of "self sacraficing" and it should never be to the point of losing yourself.  We can agree to help but within boundries, we can agree to work  but withing boundries and we can agree to love unconditional, but with boundries.  Thank you for the reminder today.

[Bette Bliss Shaw]

Although I much prefer to be with people with whom I do not need to express my boundaries it has been a thing lately!!!

I happened upon this today, right when I needed it. I have one person, only one, in my world who doesnt know where I end and where she begins. Actually my friend says that she actually admires me and wishes she could be me (ugh and best with that).

It comes out as invasiveness, focus on all I do, constant attention given and drawn to me. Recently it showed up now as bitterness due to unrequited admiration. It came out in the form of pointing out in a huge way a mistake I made (owned it) exagerated none-the-less. Also in the forom of gossip among all our friends, making them all aware of a fault.

I drew the line. I said, this HAS to STOP. Some damage has been done. It isnt about me, it is about her need to talk smack about others.

I may need to be more definitive in specific areas, as she has already crossed my line. YES I SEEK TO BE OUT OF HER COMPANY AS MUCH AS IS HUMANLY POSSIBLE.

This statement is exactly how I describe it:  Each of us, like the queen, encounters people and things that try to coax us from the truth of knowing who we are.

It reaffirmed for me who I am and no one will take that away!   Thank you for this post Penni!!! <3

[kathy Humeniuk]

I need boundaries, but I am not sure where I end.  I feel that I give and nothing eve comes back, not that that is the motivation.  

I AM THE PROBLEM, so I am the solution.  Easy to say, now the tough bit... ...

Thank you Penni, you have started me thinking about me, I need to get the love in there and my life will be a much nicer place to be.

Kathy =B-)